Badfic High
by Tabbi-Katt
Summary: The existence of bad fanfiction is no new concept to anyone. It's just that Zexion is now unfortunate enough to be living in one.


_What am I doing here?_ is the one thought constantly cycling through my mind. Partly because there's not much else to do when standing in an empty school hallway, mainly because I want to know what am I doing here?

I honestly can't remember. There is the vague memory of a secretary introducing herself before telling me to wait in the hall for my "tour guide" but that doesn't explain why I'm here. I didn't choose to be here, I know that much.

Really, this entire situation baffles me. I recall the secretary saying I am a teacher— why I would inflict such torture upon myself, I have no idea— so why would a student be given the task to show me the school? In particular, why would a _late_ student be given that task? This resembles some poor character introduction where being late promotes an air of clumsiness or cuteness. All that's needed to complete the picture is some young person running out the door with toast in their mouth.

My thoughts are interrupted by a yell. "Mr. Zexion! Over here!"

Good god, everyone is going to call me that.

Roxas runs up to me, trying to splutter out apologies through heavy breathing. I personally saw Roxas as the punctual type but apparently some deity controlling whatever universe I'm in has decreed otherwise. I don't wait for Roxas to catch his breath before I began walking. "Just hurry and get this orientation done with," I say. My day has only begun and already I want it to end.

Roxas seems taken aback by my actions but follows dutifully. "Um, let's see," he mumbles to himself, glancing to a collection of papers in his hand, before continuing with more vocal strength, "you'll be in Room 106 teaching classic literature—"

Oh, but of course.

"—every day at ten-o-clock." He points to a room as we pass by. "That's the science lab there, which is run by—"

"Vexen," I interrupt.

Roxas actually looks surprised by this. He asks, "How did you know?"

"I don't know, I _guessed_. It's a process that requires very little thought or creativity. I will also guess that Demyx is a music teacher, Saix teaches astronomy, Marluxia botany, Larxene is forced into home economics, Xigbar and Xaldin coach archery and javelin respectively, Lexeaus... Well, geology is unlikely to be a high school course but geography is similar enough to suffice, and Xemnas or Xehanort or Ansem or whatever you want to call him is the principal."

Roxas is unnervingly silent. Slowly, he starts leafing through his papers.

"Whatever is written there," I say, "I don't want to hear it."

Even if he was about to speak, I never got to hear it because a blurred figure suddenly collided with Roxas. The figure spoke, "Roxy! Where have you been? I've missed you!"

...Roxy?

I can now see the figure is— of all people— Axel, currently hugging the life out of an embarrassed Roxas. I take a step back. The hugging, the pet name, the excitable manner... It must all be an act. This is _Axel_, he must be planning someone's demise.

Only when I move does he notice me. Holding Roxas even more closely, Axel says, "I don't believe we've met, person who I now dislike for taking time away from my boyfriend and I."

"Axel, calm down." Roxas struggles against the arms gripping him but seems only slightly miffed with the fact he's being crushed. (Clearly a sign of love and NOT a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Where could I possibly get that idea from?) "This is Zexion, the teacher I told you I was showing around this morning. Remember?"

"Oh." Axel finally frees his boyfriend enough for Roxas to inhale a deep breath. "Sorry about that, teach."

Hugging, pet name, excitable, and now apologizing. Yes, Axel is definitely planning something. I quickly make my escape by telling both students to get to class and I have work to do. The work part is a lie (I don't even have a lesson plan for today, why am I in a teaching position?) but they believe me so I take the chance.

As I walk away I hear Roxas call behind me, "See you later, Mr. Zexion!" Then Axel says "But first you have math with me, my little Roxy." I assume they do something disgustingly cute because Roxas can be heard giggling.

What in all the worlds is going on in this school?

And _Roxy_? Honestly? If you're willing to say two syllables, Axel, then just say his full name. You don't save yourself any time with _Roxy_.

Oh, this is going to be a long day.

* * *

And true enough it is. My actual class is surprisingly uneventful so most of my time is spent meeting the various students. They are... unique, to say the least. To say the most, every one of them is convinced they're in love with someone else, either the person they are currently dating or the person they plan on dating. Axel and Roxas seem to be the most popular couple among the student body although I've seen others scattered around. Sora and Riku were holding hands in the hallway. (Not all that odd.) Aqua and Terra I've heard have been "an item" for two years. (I find their role as students odd, considering they are both older than me.) Kairi and Xion I saw cuddling in the library, the latter almost asleep on the former's shoulder. (Mildly odd because... Kairi and Xion existing together can only be odd.) And apparently there are rumors that Demyx is having romantic inclinations towards me. (The word "odd" does not deserve to be mentioned within the same breath as "Demyx", that would only sully its good name.)

Doesn't anyone do _schoolwork_ in this high school?

Why this obsession with the high school life style at all? Every student, and even a few teachers, treat this time like it has any repercussions on the rest of your life instead of seeing it for what it is: Four years spent trying to desperately balance schoolwork, future plans, part-time work, friendships, family, self-image, social status, extracurricular activities, hobbies, and _possibly_ romantic relationships. It is a _terrible_ experience, why must everyone view it as anything otherwise?

...Although Kairi and Xion did look quite sweet cuddling together—

No! This world and its insane logic is worming its way into my mind, trying to brainwash me! I can't let it destroy me; my own personality _will_ remain intact!

...Although...

If I still have control over my own mind and these are really my own thoughts, I will admit to myself that none of these relationships are innately bad. Some even make a certain amount of sense. Most of my confusion comes from wondering when these romantic partners met and decided to form a relationship. Even the few single souls who are attempting to confess their love haven't shown much in the way of development. When I briefly talked to Aqua and Terra, I asked them where Ventus was, to which they replied he was off fretting over if he should ask out some male student and risk being ostracized for being "that gay kid". Meanwhile, the five other happy and openly homosexual couples are running around, saying "Man, it's good to be gay in a world free from prejudice and bullying. Damn, it's good to be us."

But that meeting did go better than my meeting with Xion.

("Hello," she said while sticking her hand out to me, "I have absolutely no problems resembling an identity crisis whatsoever which makes my role here entirely pointless, but I'm looking forward to enjoying the hilarious high school adventures we'll have over this next year. See you later!")

I honestly couldn't think of a reply to that one.

Not wanting to talk to anyone else and not knowing what else to do, I head to the cafeteria, sit down, and formally introduce my forehead with the lunch table. Maybe I could waste the rest of the day here. This is about as productive as anything else I've done. I'll study the fake wood of the table, memorize it, make up a past for it and the grandiose backstory that lead to its arrival here in this asylum of a school. That sounds like a great afternoon to me.

An interrupting voice asks, "What about Luxord?"

I lift my head to see... "Riku, what are you talking about?" _And don't talk to me at all_ is an extension I almost say, but this strange world has filled me with a macabre curiosity. I have to know what insane _thing_ will happen next.

Riku stands opposite of me, the table being a no-man's-land between us. He says, "You never mentioned Luxord. What do you think his role in the story is?"

I sigh. "I don't know. He likely owns a casino where some important event will happen, like a girl being publicly humiliated by her boyfriend so then her future boyfriend can come in and save her, or there will be some reveal that someone's parents abuse them or they have an addiction or— Wait. _Story_?"

"Yeah, you haven't figured it out by now?" I swear he sounds smug as he talks to me.

"What— I— How— Why are you so calm about this? Don't you realize where you are? You're trapped."

Riku shrugs. "I've been through worse."

I concede the truth in that. But _I've_ also been through worse and that doesn't lessen my distaste for my current situation. For once, I'd like to be able to say _I've been through better_.

Wait a minute, it looks like Riku is walking away. "Where are you going?" I don't even care that I sound pathetically desperate, and I'll happily ignore that Riku and I don't exactly have the best history, as long as it means at least _one_ sane person is nearby amidst this madness.

Riku answers flippantly, "Class is about to start." I'm sure that's all he'll leave me with but he pauses before exiting the lunch room. "By the way, have you seen Naminé around?"

"No. And why—"

Oh.

Well, that helps explain things.

* * *

The school library is not particularly expansive but there are a number of shelves that a person could hide behind. Wanting to not waste time (I've been forced to do that too often today) I start to search in the row of science books— perhaps there will be a few on memories— and then I remember what school I'm in and turn for the art section.

Naminé is seated in the middle of the row. She's writing away in a notebook, smiling as she does so. When she spots me she looks up, amiably saying "Oh, hello Zexion."

No sense dancing around the issue. "I take it you're the author of this story."

She looks so proud of herself when she smiles; I'm almost glad I didn't go with my original statement that used the term "author of this mess". Almost. She answers, "Yes I am. I just started today."

I sit down beside her, having nothing better to do. I've been running question after question through my head, but none of them seemed... right, in a strange way. Also, any variation of "What the hell have you gotten me into?" does not sound like a phrase I would use. So I simply ask, "Why bother doing this?"

"Because it's something to do." Naminé writes away. She then turns to me and asks, "What do you think so far?"

That feels like a mistake. "Are you sure you want to know the answer?"

She nods.

Well, if she really wants to know.

"To start with the plot is so thin as to be non-existent, the people are one-dimensional and dull, events are so few and far between to render them unmemorable, not helped by the fact they are all clichés, dialogue is clunky and unrealistic, there is no theme, and overall the entire experience is unpleasant and holds no entertainment value whatsoever."

She takes this well. Surprisingly well. Naminé's only response is "Oh" and she goes right back to writing.

I'm baffled. "'_Oh_'? You heard everything I said and you're still going to continue writing?"

Naminé shrugged her thin shoulders as if she rolls all my words away. "I suppose your words hurt if I let them. You're the brutally honest type, Zexion. But they _are_ just words. I don't mean that I'm about to ignore everything you said, you did have some advice hidden in there even if you didn't say it in the nicest way." I get it, I'm a harsh critic without a filter. Your passive-aggressiveness has gotten through. "I can learn from my mistakes and become a stronger storyteller as I keep writing."

Naminé, you have achieved an impossible task. As much as I try and try to think of something to say, I am speechless. All I can muster is a stupefied "_Why_?"

"Because it's fun" she answers.

And that's when I realize the true answer.

Naminé has done many things in her short lifetime— she has rewritten memories, derailed plans and changed them to her liking, she's fought against those who hurt her so she could save a boy that never knew her. In her own way, Naminé has saved the worlds a few times over by now. Yet everything she has done has been for the sake of someone else. Naminé's entire life is for other people, which leaves no time for _Namin_é herself. There has never been an opportunity for this concept of "fun". But, somehow, despite everything that's happened to her she's found a way to be… happy. Who am I to take that from her simply because I don't like her writings?

Like she said, they are just words.

Of course I don't tell her any of this little epiphany. I may be understanding and now (somewhat) willing to be a side player in this story but that doesn't mean I have to show any of this outwardly. To put it appropriately, that wouldn't be very in-character for me.

I only tell Naminé "Then you do that." I stand. "I have to go and pretend to be a teacher to students the same age as myself."

She's smiling at me, the kind of closed mouth smile that only comes with soft, absolute content. Oh no, don't tell me she's figured out the inner epiphany of author empathy. I have to leave and fast. But before I can turn and walk away she says, "Can you wait a moment?" She hands me a note. "Can you give this to Ven? It tells him to go to Lab B at a certain time. If he asks questions tell him it's okay, the author said so."

I don't fight this logic, just take the note and go. Naminé returns to her notebook and this little world she's created for herself.

Before I exit the library I hear her call to me, "Have fun!"

Oh yes, a long day indeed.

END

* * *

Author's note: Inspired by a comment I saw in someone's profile that basically accused anything on this site not written by themselves as being badfic and they had to fix that. My first thought was "Who are you to judge?" Everyone has to start somewhere. I've written crap before, and there are days when I feel like I still am. But despite what anyone or the self-confidence says, if you love to write then you should never have to stop.

Thanks for reading. Constructive criticism is wanted and appreciated!


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